


All These Things You Said

by sparkinside (boomersoonerash)



Category: Ed Sheeran (Musician), Hanson (Band), One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - High School, Anal Sex, Awkward Conversations, Birthday Party, Boys In Love, Boys Kissing, Childhood Friends, Crossover, Crossover Pairings, Crushes, Cuddling & Snuggling, Eventual Smut, F/M, Falling In Love, First Kiss, Gay Male Character, Growing Up, Holidays, Homophobia, Homophobic Language, Jealousy, LGBTQ Character, LGBTQ Themes, Love Confessions, M/M, Mistletoe, Phone Calls & Telephones, Pining, Sexual Identity, Spooning, Teenagers, Truth or Dare, Unresolved Tension, Work In Progress
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-27
Updated: 2017-12-21
Packaged: 2018-07-27 00:45:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,743
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7596727
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/boomersoonerash/pseuds/sparkinside
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry and Zac have been best friends all their lives but once they hit high school things get sort of confusing for the pair. Can they survive all the confusing years together or will they be torn apart?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. things you said under the stars and in the grass

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: This is a fictional story. None of this story is true and I am in no way associated with One Direction and Hanson. I do own any original characters. Also, please do not translate this unless you ask me for permission first. Thanks!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Excerpt: "Come on you two, we don't have all day," Natalie finally spoke as she shook her head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ninth Grade(October 2011)

Rolling his eyes as he sat on the steps of Zac's porch, Harry just watched as Zac cursed while trying to carve the pumpkin that his little siblings had picked out at the pumpkin patch today when they had taken them. A task that had been assigned by Zac's mom. A task that had been semi hard because three young children in a pumpkin patch was a task that had turned into a nightmare thanks to Mackie being a brat and Avery wanting the biggest pumpkin she could find.

Then there was Zoe who Harry had to carry the whole time because she was sleepy. Sleepy and catching a cold more than likely.

"You need help with that?" Harry finally asked trying to stifle a laugh as Zac messed up on the specific design that Avery and Jessica had asked for. A design of Snow White because at the moment that was their favorite Disney Princess.

"I hate you," Zac muttered a bit playfully as he looked over at Harry and all Harry could do was smirk because he knew Zac didn't hate him. Not in all their years of being friends and that had been since they were in diapers thanks to the Styles' and Hanson's being neighbors and their moms being pregnant at the same time.

Though Diana had been a bit farther along and Zac was three months older than Harry..just three though sometimes he liked to use those three months to his advantage.

"You sure you hate me?" Harry asked as he scooted a bit closer to Zac, the smirk staying on his lips. "You never seem to hate me when we have sleepovers and you cuddle with me. No matter how much Isaac says it's gay that we still cuddle at our age."

Zac blushed at that but he moved his gaze away from Harry, going back to giving most of his attention to the carving. "Isaac does have a point though, Haz. We have to stop cuddling eventually," he spoke though he sounded half disappointed over his own words. "I'll be fifteen in a few weeks and I'll probably get a girlfriend soon and I can't be cuddling with you when I get one."

"Yeah because you'll be spending so much time cuddling with her huh?" Harry asked trying to mask the hurt he felt at the idea of losing the ability to cuddle with Zac or even just having to share Zac with a girl...it was stupid really but he wanted Zac all to himself.

Though of course he'd never tell Zac that just like he'd never tell Zac that he was into boys, fearing that if Zac knew that he'd abandon him or stop being friends with him which was the last thing Harry wanted. He didn't want to lose Zac as a friend just because he was gay.

But he knew he could...he could so he kept quiet. Only having told his mom, Gemma and Ed Sheeran the boy who he had become quick friends with in just a few months thanks to having an art class with him and well maybe he hadn't really told Ed as much as Ed had guessed because of the fond looks he always gave Zac.

Because deep down Harry's real issue was that he had a crush on his best friend since diapers who was probably straight and oblivious to Harry liking him and being gay.

Zac laughed now which caused Harry to glare slightly. 

"I never said I'd be cuddling with whoever my girlfriend is," Zac defended as he shook his head. "Just like I never said I'd be spending so much time with her too. I'd still make time for you."

Harry looked down and away from Zac, not sure if he could truly believe what Zac was telling him, though he really really wanted to believe it for his own sanity.

"You promise you'd still make time for me whenever you do get a girlfriend?" Harry asked as he raised an eyebrow hating how all his confidence about anything had died once the subject of Zac getting a girlfriend came up. It was just a subject he hated with his crush on Zac.

Zac heaved a soft sigh before leaning over and leaving a light kiss on Harry's cheek, "I promise," he spoke onto his skin before pulling away and after Zac pulled away Harry felt his skin get all warm and tingly and he couldn't help the smirk that came back to his lips.

Nor could he help if maybe he got lost in his own feelings because he always did love any type of affection from Zac. Even if the reason for it was just a simple reassurance.  
\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"I can't fucking believe this," Harry muttered as he sat beside Ed in Zac's basement. A week had passed since the pumpkin carving and tonight was the night of Zac's birthday party and Harry at the moment was currently wishing he hadn't came because everyone who had came was involved in a game of truth or dare and somehow Taylor's girlfriend Natalie had thought it would be funny to dare Harry to kiss Zac and both boys who had been on opposite sides of the room just looked at each other like deer caught in headlights.

"Come on you two, we don't have all day," Natalie finally spoke as she shook her head. "It's just one simple kiss," she said and her words seemed to cause a chorus of people chanting for them to just kiss and Harry swore he was going to be sick right now because this wasn't how he wanted his first kiss to be nor was this how he wanted to kiss Zac.

In a room full of people who would get amusement because to them it was some simple game when kissing Zac would have never been a simple game to Harry. It would be so much more and yet he also knew Zac wouldn't want it because Zac wasn't gay. Zac didn't like boys and the way he had been hanging off Kate Tucker tonight was enough for Harry to know that.

Harry shook his head harshly as he stood from the couch, unable to follow through with what everyone seemingly wanted him and Zac to do. "I can't," he said before rushing up the stairs of the basement and quickly finding his way out of Zac's house which came easy since he had been there so much growing up.

Once he was outside though, he collapsed on the grass, falling on his back as he looked up at the sky. 

"I'm such an idiot," Harry told himself as he felt a few tears going down his cheek. "Such a damn idiot," he muttered because he really did feel like one. Getting embarrassed by Natalie and everyone who wanted him to kiss Zac and running out like he had. He had probably ruined his fifteenth birthday.

It wouldn't be finding out that Harry was gay that ended their friendship. It would be this right now. This night would be the end of their friendship because he had ruined Zac's birthday and Zac would probably never live this down for as long as he lived.

"You aren't an idiot," a voice spoke and Harry moved his body slightly to see Zac who sat down on the grass as he wiped at his mouth. "You just didn't want to kiss me is all," he shrugged with a smirk. "Which was okay because Kate offered too and I think well...I might have a girlfriend now. An older one at that."

Harry had opened his mouth to argue that no, it wasn't that he didn't want to kiss Zac, it was that it wasn't how he had wanted to kiss Zac but before he could his argument died on his tongue the moment Zac told him Kate had kissed him. Now it made sense why he had been wiping his mouth. To get the red lipstick she had wore tonight off of his lips.

"Don't look so sad H," Zac continued in Harry's silence and Harry hadn't even realized that his emotions were showing on his face. "It's a good thing I got kissed and have a girlfriend now," he smiled as he moved to lay down in the grass beside Harry, turning to look at the sky. "Now Isaac can leave me alone about being gay and not being interested in girls."

Harry rolled his eyes at that, glad that Zac couldn't see him, "Isaac only bothers you about being gay when it comes to me and we cuddle or get too close for his liking."

"Nah," Zac said as he shook his head. "He does it when you're not here too," he admitted and maybe that was a bit of news to Harry. "Said it wasn't natural that I didn't even seem to be interested in being around girls and would have rather spent all my time with you or playing video games," he spoke and Harry was probably crazy but he thought he heard a hint of sadness in Zac's tone. "But now he'll have to leave me alone because Kate and I kissed and we've been hanging out all night and I'm pretty sure she likes me."

"But do you like her?" Harry asked as he turned to look at Zac, not even sure why he had asked that question. He'd just dread the answer more than likely. With the way tonight was going anyway it sure seemed that way.

Zac heaved a soft sigh as he finally turned to look at Harry, "I will eventually," he said sounding resolute in his words. "I can do anything I set my mind too."

Harry bit his lip at that, wanting to argue with Zac but instead he opted not too because he knew once Zac had his mind made up he'd at least try. Even if he failed he'd still fucking try to make himself like Kate which probably in the end wasn't fair to either Zac or Kate but again Harry didn't see the point in telling Zac any different.

"How come you didn't want to kiss me?" Zac finally spoke again in Harry's silence and the question took Harry back some because why did Zac care so much?

"I never said I didn't want too Zac," Harry answered knowing that was probably way too open but he wasn't sure he cared. Not after knowing his friend was going to try to make himself like a girl just so he could be in a relationship. 

Zac seemed to go silent at Harry's words, his face showing that he was indeed taking them in to some degree at least. "But you literally ran out of my house like the idea made you sick," he said and Harry knew he wasn't imagining the hurt look on Zac's face or the hurt tone he had. "Is the idea of kissing me really that disgusting to you?"

Now it was Harry who sighed because a part of him just wished Zac would drop the subject.

"Why do you care so much why I didn't kiss you?" Harry asked as he sat up in the grass now, though he kept his gaze on Zac. "You kissed Kate and she may be your girlfriend. Shouldn't that be enough for you?"

Zac nodded his head as he too finally sat up, "I guess you're right," he said as he smiled and nudged Harry's shoulder some. "Just have to find you a girlfriend to now, aye?" he asked a bit teasingly and Harry felt himself blush.

"Don't think I want a girlfriend Zac," Harry whispered as he looked down and away from Zac, feeling that same sick feeling that he had in the basement. "Zac..I....I'm not...I'm gay," he finally admitted his voice staying whisper thin and his gaze staying away from Zac because he had finally revealed his biggest secret to his longest friend and he wasn't sure if Zac would accept him.

"Oh," Zac muttered out just as soft which made Harry turn to look at him and again there was that hurt look upon Zac's face and the hurt tone of voice even with just one simple word. "So I guess that explains why you didn't want to kiss me," he said and Harry wanted to roll his eyes because he thought they were past that subject. "You're into guys but I'm not your type," he nodded and just like with the liking Kate thing he sounded resolute like he had made up his mind. "Probably like Ed huh?" he asked and Harry did roll his eyes at that.

It was no secret that ever since Harry had became friends with Ed that Zac was jealous of him yet he still included Ed in stuff if only because he knew that Ed had quickly become one of Harry's best friends.

"No, I don't like Ed like that," Harry sighed sounding disturbed at the idea even. Ed was like the brother he never had. "Just...forget that I didn't kiss you, okay?" he asked as he stood up and brushed off his pants. "Let's just get back to your party. Everyone's going to wonder where the birthday boy ran off too."

Zac hummed in agreement as he stood up as well and Harry watched as Zac quickly brushed off his pants before giving Harry a sad smile. "You know I'm glad you told me you were gay," he said with a slight nod. "I could..I mean I knew but I was afraid to ask," he shrugged before leaning in to kiss Harry on the cheek softly and Harry couldn't help the shiver that ran down his spine. "You're still my best friend though H, regardless."

Smiling softly when Zac pulled away from the kiss, Harry swore he could still feel the ghost of Zac's lips on his skin and he felt a bit of a weight lifted off him at that because he hadn't expected that Zac knew and he surely hadn't expected Zac to be so accepting, especially since he seemed to have a bit of an issue with being thought of as gay by Isaac.

"Now come on," Zac said as he began to walk back towards the house. "I have a party and girlfriend to get back too."

Shaking his head, Harry just followed behind Zac because in the end he'd follow Zac anywhere he went.


	2. things you said at 1 am

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Excerpt: He was very straight and possibly liked two girls at one time.

Ninth Grade(November 2011)

"Kate gave me a blow job yesterday night," Zac spoke randomly which made Harry open his eyes as he looked at the boy who was in bed beside him, a boy who after tonight he wouldn't see for awhile because of the Thanksgiving holiday and Zac's family usually always left Tulsa during it.

Heading out to Dallas Texas to visit some of Diana's family who lived there and so since tonight was the night before the family left Zac had asked Harry to stay over, because as he had said on the phone when begging and pleading that it was a tradition that he and Harry had a sleep over before his family left. A tradition that they couldn't break.

"And you're telling me this at one in the morning why?" Harry asked trying not to sound upset even if he was upset. He was upset that Zac had been dating Kate now for a month and that Zac was so oblivious to how Harry felt. Yet Harry knew he could never tell him.

Zac may have been okay with Harry being gay but he probably wouldn't be okay with knowing that his best friend all through his childhood harbored feelings for him. Wanted to be with him pathetically even if he was very very straight.

Zac shrugged as he turned in the bed, his gaze going to the ceiling instead of on Harry. "Because when I came I may have called Kate by another name," he admitted his voice so low that Harry almost didn't hear him.

"Oh wow," Harry just muttered as he too turned to look at the ceiling. "Another girl you like?" he questioned hoping again that his voice didn't show his emotions because if it did then it would show his jealousy.

It would figure as they grew up that Zac would just be a total chick man. Liking more than one girl, just like it would figure that the idea alone of Zac having more than just Kate made the wound of Zac's girlfriend grow just a bit more for Harry.

Zac went silent at that question though and it caused Harry to look at him and he could see that Zac looked like he was thinking. Which semi confused Harry because why would Zac have to think about whether he liked the girl whose name he had called Kate when he had came.

"Sorta something like that," Zac mumbled out again his voice coming out low and Harry couldn't help but wonder when Zac turned into Taylor because it was Taylor who mumbled not Zac.

Harry quirked his eyebrow up as he kept looking at Zac, "Something like that?" he asked with a hint of sarcasm and he was surprised he could even tease Zac when he was jealous and upset about this entire situation.

"I called her Harr..iet," Zac spoke and Harry kept his eyebrow quirked especially with the slight pause between Harr and iet and maybe he was stupid but that pause almost made him wish that Zac had been about to say his name but no he had dashed it with Harriet. Yet Harry was sure Zac didn't even know a Harriet to his knowledge but then again maybe there was a Harriet in some of the classes they didn't have together at school.

"Do you even know a Harriet?" Harry questioned with a light nudge and a laugh that again surprised him given the situation.

Zac again went silent before turning to look at Harry, his face being much closer on their shared pillow than Harry realized. Which was enough to make him suck in his breath as his heartbeat got a bit faster because if Zac just inched a bit closer then they would probably be kissing.

But of course that would never happen not when Zac had Kate and maybe a Harriet.

"Sorta," Zac answered with a slight frown which well again Harry was confused and it was too late to deal with Zac's girl drama. Especially when just even thinking about it was literally breaking Harry's heart.

Rolling his eyes Harry just turned away from Zac, "That didn't answer my question," he stated as he looked at the wall in front of him. "Since you don't want to be completely open with me though I'm going to sleep. It's almost two in the morning and if I don't sleep now I'll be grumpy and sadly you'll be in a car on your way to Texas and I can't grump at the person who made me grumpy then."

Zac only heaved a sigh at that but Harry felt him moving too and it wasn't long before Zac's arm was around his waist, goosebumps forming on Harry's skin at the contact. 

This was the first time they had proper spooned since Zac got with Kate and Harry hated himself but he missed it. Just like he hated how this action lessened some of the pain he was feeling tonight.

"Harriet's only a made up name," Zac finally spoke his voice getting lower and the closeness of Zac to Harry, making Zac's breath hit Harry's neck and causing shivers from Harry. "Can't...can't tell you what name I said, but maybe when I come back," he spoke almost sounding scared.

Which Harry wasn't even sure why it would scared him. Zac could tell him anything. Absolutely anything and Harry would never judge him.

It was just how he was, especially with Zac. Zac was his best friend turned the love he'd never have and he'd never judge the boy for anything. Again Harry was probably sure that just made him pathetic. Being that in love with someone who would never return his feelings.

"Tell me when you get back," Harry nodded as he shook his head, letting his eyes fall shut finally before falling into a restless sleep.

One which was plagued of dreams of Zac with Kate and whoever the made up Harriet girl was.  
\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The next morning, Harry raised an eyebrow as he stood outside with Zac, helping him pack up the Hanson family van. "Why is Kate death glaring me?" he asked as he turned to look at Kate who was standing on the front porch with Natalie and sure enough Kate was still looking at him like she was concocting about five hundred ways to murder him.

"She's not," Zac spoke without even turning his head to look at Kate. "You're just paranoid Harry," he said after loading the last suitcase into the back.

"If you had turned to look just now you would see that your girlfriend was looking at me as if she was wishing five hundred very gruesome deaths on me," Harry retorted and his words finally made Zac turn to look at Kate. An action that after he had done it made him shake his head softly.

"She's just glaring because I called her another name," Zac said as he turned to look at Harry. "I told you that last night slash this morning. Or did you forget already?"

Harry shook his head at that, "Of course I didn't forget," he told him honestly because how the hell could Harry forget about Zac telling him Kate had given him a blow job and he had called her someone else's name. Another girls name. "Still don't get why your mess up means she's glaring at me. I'm not Harriet," he snapped using the fake name Zac had given him for whatever girl he had really called Kate.

"No, you're not," Zac frowned as he looked away from Harry. "But well...she's just being a bitch okay," he sighed and Zac calling Kate a bitch surprised him because he rarely called anyone woman that in fear his mother would hear and slap the taste out of his mouth like she had done Taylor once last year when she had heard Taylor call Natalie a bitch after an argument with her.

"I didn't even expect her to come because she said she needed space for a few days," Zac continued as he looked back at Harry. "Must have decided to tag along with Natalie though so Natalie doesn't have to bid goodbye to Taylor alone."

Before Harry could reply though they heard someone loudly clear their throats from behind them and both he and Zac turned to see Isaac standing near them, his blonde girlfriend that he had brought with him from college glued to his side. 

Harry could have swore her name was Marit..maybe. All Harry really knew was that she was foreign and that Isaac had met her in August when he had traveled to Oklahoma City early for his next year of college.

"You two faggots done saying goodbye to each other?" Isaac asked a hint of teasing to his voice though Harry really didn't find it funny and he could tell from the way that Zac tensed beside him that neither did Zac. "Mom and dad are about ready to go."

Zac nodded his head almost meekly as he avoided Isaac's gaze, "Yeah, we finished packing the car," he said before biting his lip. "So we can head out whenever mom and dad are ready."

"Good, I'll go tell them," Isaac smirked as he leaned a bit closer to Zac. "Unless you want some privacy to make out with your boyfriend quickly before we leave," he teased again before turning to head inside though Marit stayed outside with the boys.

"I'm sorry he was like that," Marit apologized as she gave Zac a small frown. "I know he's your brother but that was.."

"He's always been like that," Zac interrupted Marit. "I'm used to it," he shrugged as he smiled though Harry knew it was fake and he knew Zac had been affected by Isaac's words. "Isaac's a homophobe Marit, maybe you should get used to it too if you're going to date him," he spoke out harshly before turning to walk towards the backseat of the van, leaving Harry stunned again because his tone with Marit had been uncalled for and rather unexpected and Harry had no clue why he had been like that.

Harry just gave Marit a shrug of confusion as she looked at him because even he had no clue why Zac had reacted like that and he knew he didn't have time to pester Zac. Not when Harry watched as Zac's family began to pile out of the house, most of them heading to the van.

Though Isaac headed to the car that he drove and Marit soon left to get in it, which gave Harry time to move to the back to properly say goodbye to Zac. 

But when he got to the open back door he paused seeing Zac sitting in the very back and even from where Harry stood it was visible he was crying.

"Zac?" Harry voiced as he tried to keep his emotions in cheek because he hated to see Zac cry. "Are you okay?"

Zac who looked up at that, wiped at his eyes as he plastered on another fake smile, "I'm fine," he nodded his head. "Just..just wish I didn't have to leave you for a few days is all. You're my best friend and I love you," he shrugged before falling silent as his parents and siblings finally reached the van.

Harry just returned Zac's smile though his was just as fake because he knew better than to believe that Zac was crying over leaving him for a few days. Zac never cried over that. He was sure it had to do with Isaac but Harry really couldn't see how Isaac's words would affect Zac so much. Zac wasn't the gay one.

He was very straight and possibly liked two girls at one time.

"You're my best friend too Zac," Harry spoke as he moved slightly so that Diana could put Zoe in her car seat. "I'll see you in a few days though and you can call me when you get there," he nodded before smiling a bit more, this time much more genuine.

After he said that Harry stayed around the van long enough for Diana to say goodbye to him as well as slipping him a card to give to his mother.

More than likely the annual Christmas card that she always gave his mother every year around Thanksgiving.

Moving away from the van after that, Harry slowed as he passed Kate on his walk back to his house across the street and as they passed, Kate once again looked at him and gave him a death glare and Harry was sure there was more to things than what Zac had told him with Kate, just like there was more to Zac's crying and Harry wished he could figure it all out.

But now wasn't the time though maybe later after he called Ed and vented to Ed. That could maybe clear his mind enough for him to try to figure out the bigger picture.


	3. things you said over the phone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Excerpt: "I've known you longer I should have known first."

Ninth Grade(November 2011)

Harry held the phone up to his ear as he sat outside on his porch. It was Thanksgiving day and Zac had been gone for four days now but of course like usual he had found time to call Harry on the actual holiday. Just to talk as well as wish him a Happy Thanksgiving and Harry had to admit it was nice.

Nice to hear Zac's voice after four days of not hearing it because he had missed it. Like the pathetic lovesick fool he was over his very straight best friend.

"So how is Texas?" Harry asked after a bit of silence on Zac's end. 

"Texas is Texas," Zac replied with a soft laugh. "A lonesome place without a certain curly headed friend of mine."

Blushing at Zac's words, Harry only looked down at the porch where he was sitting. "You're just saying that," he sighed as he felt his blush growing. "Trying to give me a big head and all."

"No I'm saying it because I miss you Harry," Zac confessed and well he did sound genuine to Harry at least. "Isaac's still being an asshole and I don't know it'd be better if you were here with me."

Harry chewed his lip at Zac's confession that Isaac was still being an asshole, "I don't see how my being there would affect that. He'd still be an asshole," he defended knowing if he were there Isaac would probably be even more of an asshole. "He'd just call us both faggots and accuse us of being secret lovers undercover."

"Probably," Zac sighed and Harry was sure he could almost picture the pout that Zac wore on his lips. "How can you stand to even say that word or hear Isaac say it though?" he questioned which made Harry pause because he was confused by that question or why Zac was asking it.

It was sweet that Zac obviously seemed to care about how he handled gay derogatory words but well it wasn't like Zac was gay so he didn't have to care so much about what Isaac said. He could just keep telling Isaac he was straight.

He even had a girlfriend now to prove his point. He was dating Kate even if Kate was still pissed at him for calling her Harriet.

"I've grown a thick skin I guess," Harry answered somewhat honestly. "Every bad thing anyone else says I've probably said worse especially when I was coming to terms with everything. But then I came out to Ed and now you and I think pretty soon I'll be able to come out to everyone and not care what's said about me."

"I may kind of be pissed you came out to Ed first," Zac laughed and it sounded like his first real laugh the whole time since they had been on the phone. "I've known you longer I should have known first."

Harry went silent at that because really the only reason Ed had known first was because Ed had been able to tell about Harry's crush on Zac and had basically confronted him over it. Which Harry had admitted to rather quickly because it had been nice to have someone to talk to about his confusing feelings with Zac.

"Oh poor pitiful Zac," Harry teased which again caused Zac to laugh or well giggle like the fucking Pillsbury dough boy. "Anyway there are some secrets you're still keeping from me. Like who Harriet actually is and what she's like," he shrugged knowing Zac said he might reveal who Harriet was once he came back from Texas.

But even with that knowledge it was still eating away at Harry that Zac had the hots for another girl besides Kate. That somehow Harry had developed a crush on the straightest of straight boys that he was friends with because hell even Ed admitted that there were some boys he found attractive though he preferred girls.

"Can you at least tell me what Harriet whoever she really is, is like?" Harry asked in Zac's silence. "Please."

Zac sighed softly, "Are you sure you want to hear about her?" he asked sounding somewhat apprehensive. Which Harry found odd.

If Zac liked her shouldn't he be happy talking about Harriet and not apprehensive?

"Yes I'm sure," Harry said honestly even if hearing about this girl would hurt because well it hurt to think of Zac liking anyone. Even knowing about Kate dating him hurt.

"She's amazing," Zac started and just from those words any apprehension Zac had was gone as he sounded happy and Harry again was sure he could picture a true genuine smile on Zac's face. A smile that made Zac's eyes light up. "She makes me laugh just with some of the stuff she says even if it isn't funny or even if it's some dumb joke. She's nice too really nice and she puts up with a ton of shit that she probably doesn't need too," he sighed again. "Harriet has the best smile I've ever seen on anyone. The way her dimples come out when she truly is smiling and not just faking it. It's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen besides her intensely green eyes."

Being rendered silent at Zac's words Harry just sat on the porch as he digested them. Feeling a bit envious at the way Zac described this girl. Knowing she had dimples and green eyes as well almost made him a bit jealous too because he had both of those things and maybe in another world he could be Zac's type if Zac was into boys.

In this universe though he'd just end up being the jealous gay friend who wanted their best friend. The jealous gay friend who'd never get their best friend either.

"She sounds amazing," Harry finally spoke using Zac's words at the beginning of his speech. "And you know you sound so much happier talking about her than you ever do Kate. Maybe you should dump Katie for her and truly be happy. I don't think I've seen your real smile ever since you've been with Kate if I'm being honest."

Zac again fell silent at that and Harry probably would have been afraid that he hung up had it not been for hearing him breath still so Harry knew he was still on the line.

"It's not that simple H," Zac finally responded his voice sounding so small and child like. "I almost wish it was though."

Harry raised an eyebrow when Zac said that, "Does Harriet have a boyfriend Zac? Are you moving in one someone else's territory?" he teased trying to lighten Zac's mood some. Though he knew he probably wasn't helping but at least he tried.

He was a good friend like that and Zac was the same way too with him. They both tried to cheer each other up in tough times even if it didn't work or they knew it wouldn't work.

"No," Zac answered. "She doesn't have a boyfriend or at least not that she's told me and she tells me everything," he said and again his words made Harry's eyebrow raise because if Zac was so close to this girl then how come Harry had never met her?

"Then what makes it not so simple?" Harry asked deciding to be blunt. "If she doesn't have a boyfriend and all."

Zac once again went silent and Harry was almost afraid that maybe he shouldn't have asked what he did. Maybe he should have just kept his mouth shut in the end.

But finally Zac spoke up and broke the silence that Harry felt he had created. "It's not simple because it's a boy Harry, okay," he blurted out and Harry swore his heart stopped beating altogether when Zac said what he did. "I called Kate by a boy's name and I think I like a boy...I think I like you," he finished and if his heart hadn't stopped beating before it surely had now.

With the revelation that Harriet was no boy and that Zac had said his name while Kate had been sucking his dick. That he thought he liked Harry.

It was everything Harry wanted to hear but this had never been how he saw the conversation happening and this wasn't how he had wanted to react. By going silent and feeling as if he was dying or already dead.

"I'm sorry," Zac spoke up as he broke the silence and Harry wanted to tell him not to apologize but Harry couldn't find his voice right now. "I..I shouldn't have told you. It was foolish to think you'd like me back just because you're gay. It was..I've been foolish and stupid for being pathetically gone for you for so long now. I should have realized it at my party when you didn't want to kiss me," he sighed and Harry felt his heart break when he heard a crack in Zac's voice because he knew Zac was crying. "Guess that's what I get for being a faggot like Isaac says I am," he finished and after he said that Harry heard the line go dead.

Leaving him sitting on his porch as he moved the phone away from his ear and he knew he still couldn't speak if he tried. He was still in too much shock at everything Zac had confessed. But with the confession a lot of stuff made sense.

Zac getting hurt by Isaac's words the other day and Zac not wanting to drop the subject on why Harry hadn't kissed him on his birthday. It was all because Zac liked Harry and was probably realizing he was gay and Harry had forced him to reveal it over the phone.

Then he had choked pathetically once he knew the truth and now things were probably forever ruined between him and Zac. They'd never be friends again and things would be awkward since they were neighbors and their family was so close.

Things would be awkward because Harry did feel the same way for Zac even if Zac now believed he didn't.

"Fuck," Harry was finally able to speak as he just leaned against the side of his porch railing. "Just fuck," he sighed as a frown painted itself on his lips.

Things would never be the same again and it was all his fault in the end.


	4. things you said through someone else

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Excerpt: "But he's my dickhead," Harry muttered through a laugh.

Ninth Grade (December 2011)

Harry raised an eyebrow expectantly as he sat in the lunchroom the first week back to school. Looking up at Taylor who was standing in front of his lunch table like he wanted to say something to Harry.

A fact that surprised Harry because when did Taylor ever want to speak to him? He wasn't close to him. Maybe closer than he was to Isaac but not that much more. Though he could tolerate being in the same room as Taylor because Taylor never made jokes about his or Zac's sexuality.

"Zac misses you," Taylor stated finally as he looked at Harry. Doing his best to avoid Ed's gaze as Ed stared up at him from where he sat beside Harry. "Like he's kind of gone mental without you."

"Gone mental without me?" Harry questioned as he locked eyes with Taylor. Becoming a bit convinced now that somehow Zac had sent Taylor over here to talk to him.

Even if it was Zac who had put the distance between them since Thanksgiving. Probably still felt ashamed at his revelation of liking Harry and Harry being the idiot and not saying anything. Something he regretted every day since which was why he was giving Zac what he wanted.

Space to just do whatever he had to do and obviously what he had done was miss Harry enough to send his older brother over to do his bidding.

"Doesn't hardly come out of his room. Has spent days locked in there after we got home from school. On weekends I don't think he even leaves period," Taylor sighed as he moved to sit down in the seat across from Harry's. "He's not the same Zac I know and he misses you and you should probably just talk to him."

Harry bit his bottom lip as he looked over at Zac who was sitting at the table that Taylor had came from. Engaged in some conversation with Taylor's girlfriend Natalie. Acting as if he wasn't even phased by something he had set up.

"He could just tell me himself," Harry spoke finally as he looked at Taylor again. "I'm not going to lash out or be angry that he has been ignoring me," he sighed softly.

Taylor shook his head before laughing, "Yeah and Zac's too stubborn to do that."

"I know," Harry nodded with a bittersweet smile. "I figured that's why he sent you to do his bidding and tell me he misses me."

"I told him you'd figure it out," Taylor laughed more not even denying the truth.

Harry kept his bittersweet smile, "Like you said he's stubborn," he said reminding Taylor of his own words.

Facts they both knew well. Zac was stubborn and would hide until Harry broke first. Even when it was Zac who had created the distance by reacting like he did to Harry's silence on the phone.

Then again maybe Harry should have just found a way to contact Zac before now. Explain his silence and that it wasn't because he didn't feel the same way. He did feel the same way, he had just been taken aback by Zac's confession of liking him.

Because somehow he had missed all the signs telling him his best friend since childhood was gay. He had missed the signs and he had never expected Zac to return his crush.

Harry had always just thought he'd be stuck having a crush on his straight best friend for the rest of his life.

"He is," Taylor said as he finally stood from the table. "Just please come by soon though. Before Zac gets worse," he finished before returning to the table where Natalie and Zac were.

Harry doing his best to look away and avoid seeing if Zac looked over. Was afraid Zac would be upset because clearly he hadn't given Taylor the message Zac had wanted.

"So are you going to do what Zac wants?" Ed asked which made Harry turn to look at him. "I mean he seems to miss you if he is sending messages through his brother to get you to talk to him again."

Sighing Harry shook his head, "We all know I'll cave and go by Zac's house at some point in the next few days," he admitted before turning back to his lunch which he picked at slowly. "I just...it's not my fault we are even distant and I guess I hate having to be the one to fix things even if Zac is stubborn."

"But you love him," Ed reminded him and Harry swore in that moment he hated Ed. "Not that I really see why cause he seems like a proper dickhead."

"But he's my dickhead," Harry muttered through a laugh. His response getting Ed to laugh as well.  
\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Where are you going Harry?" Anne asked later that night as Harry headed for the front door after helping his mother with the dishes.

Harry turned slowly to look at her, doing his best to give her the biggest smile he had. "Just wanted to go see Zac," he spoke as he saw the stern look she had been giving him fade some. "It's Friday and we haven't seen each other since Thanksgiving and I miss him."

Anne laughed softly as she shook her head, "I think this is the longest I remember you two not seeing each other since you were little boys. You have a falling out with him?"

"Something like that," Harry blushed not wanting to reveal it all to his mom. "But I want to make up with him now, so can I please go to his house?" he asked as he pouted some.

Not sure if his pout would work with his mother but he really hoped it did, somewhat selfishly because he really wanted to make up with Zac.

Afraid that if he didn't that the distance between them would be irreparable eventually. Especially since it was up to him to fix it.

Damn Zac...just damn Zac straight to hell.

"Go but put on your coat first. Don't need you getting sick weeks before Christmas," Anne smiled and her words made Harry smile.

His smile not going away even as he went and got his coat. Slipping it on as he went outside and walked the short distance to the Hanson house.

Hating the bundle of nerves that were building in his stomach as he did so.

Though Harry did his best to ignore those nerves when he reached the porch. His hand going out and ringing the doorbell, waiting for someone in the huge family to open the door not long after.

Which he didn't have to wait long because in what seemed like seconds Zac's oldest sister Jessica threw open the door. Peering at Harry curiously.

"Harry?" Jessica asked almost sounding like maybe she was seeing things.

Harry blushed as he looked down, realizing that maybe his absence had been felt by more than just Zac in this family. After all he usually had spent every day here and then he hadn't.

"In the flesh," Harry grinned as he leaned out to ruffle Jessica's hair. Seeing the annoyed expression she gave him. "Is Zac here?" he asked with a raised eyebrow.

Not sure why he asked because of course he knew Zac would be here. Where else would he have been?

Unless in their brief few weeks apart he had got a new set of friends. Which Harry had doubted was the case because if he had new friends, he wouldn't have used Taylor to get Harry to talk to him again.

Jessica nodded her head as she moved aside so Harry could come in. "He's in his room," she told him softly. "Where he stays at most of the time lately."

"So I've been told," Harry muttered under his breath before stepping inside and walking down to Zac's room.

Though when he made it there he had to stop and collect himself. Butterflies building in his stomach because he was nervous. Didn't know why though because Zac was his friend...his friend who he had feelings for and who admitted to liking him as well.

Had even said his name when Kate had given him a blowjob.

Taking a deep breath Harry raised his hand to knock on the door. Biting down on his lip after he had as his nerves grew even more.

"Who is it?" Zac's voice called out and Harry rolled his eyes because of course he wouldn't just come to the door to see.

"The tooth fairy," Harry retorted rather sarcastically as he crossed his arms over his chest. "Will you please let me in now?" he asked hoping that he came to open the door now that he knew it was Harry.

His nerves growing the longer he had to stand there and wait for an answer to see what Zac was going to do.

An answer he got when the door finally opened and he was face to face with Zac. Who just looked at him sheepishly. Like he knew Harry had figured everything out. That he was the one who sent to Taylor to him and maybe he had.

Maybe Taylor had told him as much after their chat at lunch.

"Was afraid you wouldn't come by," Zac spoke softly as he looked away from Harry, turning his gaze down towards the floor. "Especially since you knew it was me who sent Tay to you."

Harry let out a small laugh, "Yeah, that one was easy to figure out," he told Zac honestly. "But maybe I missed you too so why keep avoiding you? I mean I was doing it because I thought it was what you wanted."

"It was what I wanted," Zac told him as he finally looked back up, still looking sheepish. "But then I realized I miss you more and I want you in my life even if you'll never return how I feel about you and even if I'll always feel like an idiot for confessing my feelings like I.." he rambled at least until Harry reached up and put a finger to Zac's lips.

An action that shushed him as he eyed Harry curiously.

"I'm the one who was an idiot for not saying anything but your confession it shocked me Zac," Harry admitted as he felt his cheeks getting hot. "My silence wasn't me letting you know I didn't feel the same way. It was me being shocked that you liked me like I like you," he spoke letting Zac know that his feelings were returned.

A confession that seemed to linger between them as Zac's face went from curious confusion to an almost bright happy smile when realization hit him.

"Y...you feel the same way?" Zac asked a wary hopefulness in his tone. "You really like me too?"

Harry nodded this time being the sheepish one himself, "It's why I didn't confess why I didn't want to kiss you on your birthday. It was because I had a crush on you and I thought you were straight and wouldn't take it well."

Zac's smile seemed to grow at that, his hopefulness literally oozing off him in waves. Waves that Harry could feel and god Harry was just so happy that he could make Zac happy.

"So does this mean I'm forgiven for being an ass to you?" Zac asked as he stepped a bit closer to Harry.

Harry now smiling as well because well at least Zac had in the end been the one to ask for forgiveness instead of him.

Nodding his head slowly Harry closed the gap between him and Zac, pulling Zac into a hug. Hoping that no one was around to see it. Especially Isaac because the last thing Harry wanted for Zac was Isaac to see and give them shit since even though Zac realized his feelings for Harry he still wasn't okay with the slurs Isaac threw.

Hadn't developed a thick skin yet like Harry had.

"Of course you're forgiven Zac," Harry spoke as he felt Zac squeeze him slightly at that. "I could never stay mad at you for long you crazy fool," he teased. Hearing Zac laugh at that.

Harry feeling at ease some even if now he was unsure what would happen from here with their feelings being out in the open. All he cared about right now was that he had his friend back. They were in each other's good graces again...with added feelings in the mix.


	5. things you said after you kissed me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Excerpt: "Funny right? I mean I've kissed Kate...done more with her really but I'm nervous about kissing you."

Ninth Grade(December 2011)

Harry scrunched up his face as he sat with Zac in the basement of Zac's house. Both of them were a bit tipsy, having drank some of Zac's parents spiked punch but it wasn't like Zac's parents or Harry's were paying any attention.

Both sets of their parents were too busy having their own fun as the annual Hanson Christmas party roared on into the night.

The house more crowded than it was on a typical day but of course that would happen when it seemed like the whole neighborhood was here.

Though Zac had assured Harry that wasn't the case but Harry wanted to disagree because it felt that way.

"You want some more punch?" Zac asked Harry and Harry kept his face scrunched up as he shook his head no because he really didn't want or need anymore punch. Was afraid if he had more punch he'd be more than tipsy and the last thing he needed was to go home drunk.

His parents would kill him and Gemma would never let him live it down for as long as he lived.

"You want anything to drink at all?" Zac questioned again almost looking fidgety which amused Harry because he wasn't sure why Zac was being so fidgety right now.

Wondered if maybe somehow Zac was more than just a bit tipsy. If somehow he had drank more without Harry realizing or knowing.

Harry once again shook his head, "I'm fine," he told Zac with a raised eyebrow. "Though you seem off," he told him and the moment the words were out of his mouth he couldn't help but frown and hope that he hadn't ruined the work they had made since making up just a few weeks ago.

"I am off," Zac admitted so easily his words surprising Harry. "Have you not noticed what we're setting under?" he asked his words making Harry look up.

A blush creeping onto his cheeks when he saw the mistletoe hanging above them. Not even realizing it had been there when they sat down here. "Taylor?" was all he asked because he figured Taylor would be the one to put mistletoe above the couch in the basement.

Probably hoped it could help him steal kisses from Natalie.

Zac nodded his head, "Who else would it be," he told him like it was easy. "But I mean we're under it and it's only fair that we kiss right?" he questioned though he sounded so nervous. Harry catching the way Zac's voice hitched.

"We don't have too," Harry shrugged knowing it was just a silly tradition even if he'd kill to kiss Zac right now. Couldn't help but wonder what their lips would feel like against each other. "Not unless you want too that is," he smiled softly.

He didn't want Zac to do anything he wasn't ready for. Not since Zac was still grappling with having feelings for him and more than likely being gay.

"I do want too. I just...I'm nervous is all," Zac laughed as his cheeks turned a lovely shade of pink. "Funny right? I mean I've kissed Kate...done more with her really but I'm nervous about kissing you."

"It's probably because you didn't really love Kate," Harry sighed hating that he was reminded of the girl that Zac had fooled around with even if he had the knowledge that while she was blowing him that Zac had called Kate by his name.

Zac made a face though Harry knew he was in agreement. "Probably," he finally said before inching just a bit closer to Harry. "She's a good girl though."

"She might be that but you don't love her," Harry once again said as he shook his head this time. "Don't be stubborn Zac," he said though he knew it was no use.

Zac would always be just a bit stubborn. He wouldn't be Zac unless he was really which Harry figured he wouldn't change in the end.

Not if it meant not having the Zac that he was head over heels gone for.

Before he could say anything else though Zac had leaned in to kiss him. Harry's eyes fluttering shut as he did so, his heart doing something funny because he had wanted this for so long. To kiss Zac and now he was kissing him even if they weren't in a relationship and were only kissing because of mistletoe.

At least he also had the knowledge that Zac did have feelings for him so maybe it wasn't just some useless kiss. Maybe deep down somewhere it meant something to Zac.

Harry could only hope anyway.

Feeling Zac pull away Harry opened his eyes looking at Zac expectantly.

"That was different," Zac spoke slowly as if he was still somehow processing that he actually had kissed Harry. That he actually had balls and did what he wanted to do.

What they both wanted to do.

"Good different?" Harry asked almost afraid of his answer but he needed to know. Even if the answer killed him.

He'd learn to live after all he had once been content just being friends with Zac before he knew Zac felt the same for him.

He was sure he could go back to that. He'd try anyway.

Zac nodded his head yes as a smile appeared on his lips. The smile soothing Harry's worries more than he realized or even liked to admit. "A really good different," Zac added on as he leaned his forehead again Harry's. "Almost makes me want to kiss you again if I'm being honest with myself here."

Laughing Harry felt his dimples pop out as a grin grew onto his face and from the heat on his cheeks he was pretty sure he was blushing as well.

"I mean if you want to kiss me again then you can," Harry told him knowing he wouldn't be opposed to kissing Zac again because he had liked it.

Though it had been different than how he imagined it but he expected that was the same for everyone who imagined things. Reality was always different.

But this different wasn't bad either. It was a good different too.

Not long after he had said that Zac moved his head to kiss him again and once again Harry let his eyes fall shut. Hardly believing his luck tonight.

Could hardly believe that he got two kisses from Zac in one night but maybe tonight was a true Christmas miracle. Something Harry had once been sure he hadn't believed in.

But after tonight maybe he did. Just like after tonight he hoped that he and Zac could and would be more than friends even if they had to stay a secret because Zac more than likely wasn't ready to come out to his family. Especially not with how much of an asshole Isaac was.

Harry would be content being Zac's secret boyfriend just as long as he was that. Just as long as Zac didn't have anymore relationships with girls.

That thought reminding him that Zac had yet to break things off with Kate yet. But it was just something Harry didn't want to worry about.

Feeling sure or maybe hoping again that after tonight things would be different between them.

Wasn't sure what he'd do if things weren't different between them. If they just went back to being friends with feelings for each other.

But again Harry didn't want to worry about that so he didn't. Instead he just deepened the kiss. His hand going down to rest on Zac's thigh which earned him a small moan from Zac.

Harry feeling his ego grow a bit because he could do something that made Zac happy. He could find ways to turn his friend on.


End file.
